And thats how the speeches started…

There is nothing more amusing than Husband and wife speeches. It is so bad now days that the wife don’t talk anymore she just gives one killer look and the husband knows the answer there and then.

Husband: My mother said….
Wife: What that witch said
Thats how the happy home got broken

Wife: Lets go home now. its getting late
Husband: Last shot for the road
Thats how the fight started

Husband: Why don’t buy this handbag, so nice it is
Wife: Why don’t buy and give your mother, you expect me to carry that
Thats how the fight started

Husband: I am going drinking with the boys tonight
Wife: You just try and pull that move, you wont have a family when you get back
Thats how the speeches started

Wife: My mother having prayers this weekend. We need to be there early to help
Husband: But the ManU and Liverpool match is on
Wife: You think I am worried about that Liverfools. You think that is more important than my mothers prayers
Thats how the fight started

Husband: My mother having prayers this weekend. We need to be there early to help
Wife: You want me to go early there to be like a maid
Thats how the fight started

Husband: Lets go to the movies, but I want to take my mother and Father
Wife: What that old cows know about movies, they old tell them look after the children
Thats how the fight started

Wife: Lets go to the movies, but I want to take my mother and Father. My mother like that popcorn so much
Husband: Your father watch movies…
Thats how the fight started

Husband: Lets go visit your mother
Wife: Why, you feel like eating her chicken curry. Tell your mother cook for you…boiled fresh chicken curry
Thats how the fight started

Husband: Will you ever forget the first day we met?
Wife: I dunno, but I am trying hard to forget
Thats how the fight started

Wife: You don’t pay any attention to me
Husband: Ja I know, but I will chop any man that does pay attention to you
Thats how the fight started

Husband: Can I buy this potato peeler for my mother?
Wife: Why, your mother knows how to cook
Thats how the fight started

Husband: SMS to wife. What are you doing?
Wife: I am dying
Husband: (Jumping for Joy)….My sweet jalebi, how can I live without you?
Wife: You idiot, I am dying my hair.

Peace out

Jo’Burg Charou.

**Copyright**

Summer is here…

Masala marinated chops from United, Extra HOT sausages from Bluff meats, and the all time favorite bake beans salad with extra onion, chillies and dhania, egg and mayo and the previous nights left over mince curry. Summer is around the corner, time to put on the shorts, charge the camera and go to a connections possie for a South African Indian Braai.

Oh yes the most important part of the braai….Cold beer for the boys and some Savannah Dry for the women don’t forget the Tequilla and Apple sours (cos this will make you talk extra and make you brave to go casino later).

Ladies time to straighten your hair with the GHD, guys go to Fordsburg for a 30 bucks haircut and whilst you there get some latest remixed tunes to show it off later until one connection asks for a copy of the CD.

This is the time to catch up with the latest gossip…women yawl have been in the dark too long. Lots of pictures have been posted on Facebook…..time to gossip about it. Guys this is the best time to get drunk talk loud and make fishing plans with the guys….which never happens.

Ladies don’t forget your mother-inlaws sitting in the lounge catching up on Bold and Beautiful but her ears are in your conversations. She will pick on it later be careful. That witch hears everything.

Husbands if you was misbehaving with your friends drinking, every night with your saglaams. Don’t worry your wife will tell everybody about it at the braai. The worst will come out but don’t worry God is great.

To all the cake laaities, this is the time to show off the muscles wear the vest…..BUT uncles with big stomachs and hairy armpits…yawl don’t need to show off anything please. Laaities this is the time to make those funny hand signs, take one two peechas and post it on Facebook, tag the whole family.

To all the girls, this is not the night to tell your parents about the boyfriend. Rather hide it for now. Hide and show your connections his BBM messages.

Dance with your short shorts on the grass like you in the movies….why not Sharukh Khan did it, you can as well. Aunties don’t feel shy to wear black underwear and white dress, only house people there. Hit one two chutney numbers in the mix.

Hold your wife and sing a porridge number for her. Love is in the air. Chops is on the braai.

Boys DO NOT post pictures of your ballie dancing in his shorts on Facebook…not right that. Guys who bought that fancy cars in winter, time to show it off, make sure its boning.

Oh yes lastly guys, don’t arg when you drunk…let the wife drive, otherwise this will be her first and last time she is going anywhere wid you…..you know that story. And don’t cause speeches with family members for nothing.

To all those who’s going copy this and send it via email…at least put my blog address https://jhbcharou.wordpress.com

Don’t forget to put all the sauces, salad and two sausages in a roll and open your mouth for a big bite and someone will take a picture guaranteed.

Till later

JoBurg Charou.

****Copyright JHB Charou****